geliebter

a memorial to Janosch Nehls

Dear world,
I gave myself 30 days for building a memorial to honor Janosch and his passage in my life.

I've planned to organize our photos, videos, songs, inspiring things we shared.
But I didn't succeed.
Sometimes we simply don't.
Life is a challenge, and so is love.
Sometimes we fall. And fail. 

So this is the last thing I've learned from Janosch:

that we can fail.
 


(This love lives in my blood and bones, you can visit it when we dance together.)
 


As there is no memorial here, I can share something I wrote back to Janosch with you.

And his life song.

And the song which he said goodbye to me with.

Nothing memorable.

Just attempts to say goodbye.

Thank you for coming.

Ocean Water

"geliebter,
my parents made me with body cells
but you made me with love

 

your love shaped me
and made me
the person I wanted to be
but I've never found any shape
any color
any line

 

there, in the nothingness,
you shaped me with kisses
and cuddling
words and eyes
and fearless ears
in your nest
I erased the line
between my body and soul
in your mouth
I was one
in your fingers
one thousand

 

dwelling your body was going back to mine
dwelling your boat was going back to womb
dwelling you love was going back to heaven

 

over and over again
but never again

 

I am so grateful for having someone to go to
in the afterlife
the love you gave me
nurtures my life and beyond

 

I hope you are floating peacefully
flying peacefully
and singing peacefully

 

With love,
Débora (with your accent)"

[DEUTSCH]

Vor langer Zeit habe ich dieses Lied geschrieben. Es bedeutet mir sehr viel und es ist zu meinem persönlichen Lebens - Mantra geworden. Wir haben es oft gemeinsam gesungen und ich wurde oft gebeten, eine Aufnahme zu machen. Jetzt habe ich es endlich getan. Für alle berührbaren Herzen. Für Trost und Zuversicht und den Mut, weich und verletzlich zu sein. Namastè #SchrittfürSchritt


Schritt für Schritt und Tag für Tag

ein bisschen tiefer, ein bisschen näher

näher zu mir, näher zu Dir, näher zu uns.

näher dem Leben begegnen.

 

Das, was wir sind und das, was wir werden, stimmt nicht überein mit dem, was die Zweifel uns leeren !

Wir sind nicht allein sind nicht isoliert

jeder ist reine Liebe, der die Angst verliert.

Staub von Sternen und göttliche Funken, verdichtet in Körpern, ins Vergessen gesunken.

Ein Leben lang fragend, uns wieder erinnernd, ein Licht in uns tragend, das tief in uns schimmert.

 

Und die Angst, die ich immer wieder spür'

ist die Enge einer viel zu kleinen Tür,

durch die 'ne Kraft drängt, die mich kennt,

die jede Illusion verbrennt

und mit jedem Herzschlag klopft die Kraft an meine Tür.

 

 

Drum breche auf kalter Panzer, Auge weine!

Fliege weit Asche jeder illusion!

Gieße Wasser auf die heiße Glut der Steine!

Wer ich werden will, der bin ich schon.

 

#besonderehelden

[ENGLISH]

A long time ago I wrote this song. It means a lot to me and has become my personal life mantra. We have often sung it together and I have often been asked to record it. Now I have finally made it. For all touchable hearts. For comfort and confidence and the courage to be soft and vulnerable. Namastè #stepbystep

 


Step by step and day by day
a little deeper, a little closer
closer to me, closer to you, closer to us.
Closer to life.

What we are and what we become does not coincide with what doubts empty us of !
We are not alone nor isolated
everyone is pure love who loses fear.

 

Dust of stars and divine sparks, condensed in bodies, sunk into oblivion.
A lifetime of questioning, remembering again, carrying a light that shimmers deep within us.

 

And the fear I feel again and again
Is the narrowness of a door too small,
Through which a force pushes that knows me,
that burns every illusion
and with every heartbeat the force knocks at my door.

 


So break open cold armour, eye weep!

Fly far ashes of every illusion!

Pour water on the hot embers of the stones!

Who I want to become, I already am.

 

#specialheroes 

I sang Coldplay's "The Hardest Part" for him the first time we said goodbye.

And he sang "I'll think of you".

I had a strong desire to listen to this song once again in his last night here with us.

I think he was singing it one more time.

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